


Find Our Way.

by twitchtheplaguerat



Series: The Last of Us 2 - After-Canon stories [2]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, Gen, Healing, One Year Later, Post-Canon, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25155982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchtheplaguerat/pseuds/twitchtheplaguerat
Summary: Ellie returns to her former home, hoping to reconcile her past further.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: The Last of Us 2 - After-Canon stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817692
Kudos: 33





	Find Our Way.

**Author's Note:**

> Insp. Find Our Way / Being As An Ocean.

By now, Ellie had been on the road for over a year – resigned to finding her way back to Jackson, and the safety and security she thought she’d have returning to the farm. She’d attempted to find multiple communities that were dotted around the states, though not one turned out as it was rumoured to be – if they were still around at all.  
When she approached Jackson, the familiar smells of home surrounded her, the freshly baked food; the smell of stables; the smell of _people_ and society. Ellie stood by the treeline, awkwardly shuffling on the spot. It was hard to push forward for the first step, into the view of the watchers on the gate. Into society again. She thought of everything she could:  
Would they recognise her on approach?  
Would anyone remember her? Maria? Tommy? Dina? That seemed like a stupid question.  
Were they even there? Had Jackson been taken over by another group in her absence?  
It had only been a year since she was last here, and while so much can change in that time – how much had changed? There was no way the community wouldn’t recognise her, even the sign said to identify yourself before approach… Surely that would give someone pause to remember her. And Dina, if she was there, must have told _someone_ where she had gone and why she didn’t return with her. Unless she told everyone that she was dead.  
None of this stopped her feeling like an outsider, more questions came to her:  
Was her home even there? Was Joel’s? Did they have space for her?  
If Dina had explained what happened, would they turn her away?  
Would she be welcomed back as the quiet, warm girl she was?  
Or would she be turned away as the vengeful brat who didn’t know how to stop?

She scratched the last one from her mind. Dina wouldn’t be that spiteful. But then, Ellie didn’t expect her to leave the farm.  
Ellie felt a tug in her stomach, telling her to turn around and move on. ‘let’s find somewhere else, let’s go, let’s leave’. There could be a colony she had overlooked that would welcome her, a clean slate. She shook her head to rid herself of this thought, let out a heavy sigh and tried to look confident as she stepped into view of the watchers, and lumbered up to the gates.  
Either no one manned the towers, it was a shift change-over, or someone recognised her – not feeling the need to check who she was. Improbable.  
Her approach to ‘west 1’ ended with her being dwarfed by the huge gates, feeling unsure what to do next. Knocking seemed silly, and yet she still knocked. The cold metal made her fist hurt. Seconds passed before the speakeasy grille slid open, an unfamiliar face staring at her. “It’s Ellie,” she announced, wringing her hands out of view of the face. Nervousness was getting the better of her. Her fight-or flight kicked in when the hatch slammed shut, she took a step back – ready to run from the gunshots that were sure to come after her any second… also ready to stay in place to give over to whatever fate awaited her. It was easier than finding somewhere else.  
No one chased her.  
No one shot at her.  
It felt like hours passed before the gates slowly opened. This didn’t snap her out of her over-thinking trance, and she was only pulled back to reality when two skinny arms threw themselves around her neck. “Oh, Ellie,” tears welled in Ellie’s eyes as she brought her arms up to hold the figure back, breathing in deeply to capture her familiar smell.  
“Hi, Maria.”

Ellie had been towed all the way to Jackson’s bar, the Tipsy Bison, a place she hadn’t seen since the night before Joel left. She knew this was a silly place to come after being displaced for a year, but Maria seemed _too_ happy to have her niece back to care. It didn’t feel right.  
Many a familiar face crowded the two, while Ellie clutched all-too-tightly to a glass of home-brewed whisky. The muscles in her hand clenched and unclenched, trying to self-soothe. “Hershel saw her approach a mile off,” Maria explained for the sixth time that night. “Came running to get us the moment he was sure,” she gave a haughty laugh and sipped from her glass, everyone around them laughed with her.  
Ellie seethed. The noise was too much.  
She periodically glanced at Maria, straight to her eyes, eventually gaining her attention to get her to lean in close. “Can we… go somewhere? Quiet? Home?” She rattled off quickly, prompting Maria to finish her drink and nod.  
“Sure thing, Ellie.” She stood and briskly explained where they were going to the crowd, making a painful joke of how beat up Ellie looked and how she needed to rest. Ellie thought she looked, for the most part, somewhat okay despite narrowly escaping death for a year.  
They left the Tipsy Bison, and Maria held onto Ellie by the elbow to guide her back through Jackson. Ellie wanted to resist as Maria pulled her home – not to Ellie’s, but to _her_ home. She didn’t much feel like dealing with Tommy tonight, she just wanted to sleep. The last interaction with Tommy hadn’t been positive, so why was Maria hell-bent on making her night worse? Maria unlocked her front door and urged Ellie inside, closing the door behind them as she was gestured to go sit at the table. Maria sat across from her.  
“So, we heard where you’d been. Didn’t think it’d take you over a year to return,” Maria reached towards Ellie and held her hand, brushing her thumb over the back of it. “Got a lot of questions for you. ‘specially about these,” she rubbed over Ellie’s finger-stubs gently. Ellie winced at the action and stayed silent for a time. She couldn’t make eye contact with her and stared down at the table.  
“I found her.”  
“Good, good. And?”  
“We fought.”  
Maria let go of Ellie’s hand and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Just fought? You found her alive, then. Did you finish it?” Ellie shook her head and felt a lump form in her chest. She coughed to clear her throat.  
“Can you please just take me home.”

**_Are you ready to come back now?  
_ ** **_Or do you still feel it all after the comedown?_ **

“Might’ve gotten dusty, we left it open just in case. Joel’s too if you’d rather be ther-” Ellie put her hand up to stop Maria as she unlocked her own door. She entered and left the door open for Maria to follow.  
Everything was where she had left it, just about. It felt odd being here again, like she’d regressed back to being fourteen. It was an uncomfortable feeling that welled in her chest. Her desk remained littered with unfinished drawings; her bathroom still had her array of, mostly empty, toiletries; her bedroom, which had seen better days, remained exactly as she remembered it.  
A pit formed in her stomach.  
“Tommy… Tommy wanted it kept as-was, in case you returned.” Maria joined her by her bedside arms folded as she leaned against the end bedframe. “Still hoped you’d come back after moving to the farm. Even if it was just to visit. Came to clean it sometimes, to boot. His version of clean.”  
Ellie dropped her bag off of her arm and flopped down onto the bed. It creaked; dust rose around her. Her body felt misaligned with her, her vision was blurry, and she could only just follow what Maria was telling her.  
“Where’d Dina get off to? Still her? Did she even come back?” She finally croaked.  
“Oh, she came back alright- explained where you went and why. About Tommy, too. She did not forget to mention Tommy.”  
“Can’t imagine that won him any favours.”  
“No, no it didn’t.” Ellie moved to sit up, and Maria came to sit on the bed next to her. They sat in silence for a time, “No one who knows is surprised, Ellie. Not impressed, but not surprised.”  
This felt like a gut punch. The void in her chest got larger. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill her.” Maria didn’t say anything, she didn’t flinch or make any movement to give away her thoughts. Ellie looked up at her with tears in her eyes, face red and puffy. “Please, please, don’t tell Tommy.”

**_I can’t climb inside your head or shoulder the load you carry.  
_ ** **_Never cried the tears you’ve shed, but we have all known misery._ **

Three days had passed since Ellie’s arrival in Jackson, she’d not left her home, and rarely left her bed. Multiple people had knocked on her door to come see her, slid notes under the door, shouting for her through the letterbox. She didn’t read any of the notes, besides one with familiar handwriting. This she kept on her bedside table, currently piled under a few other notes she’d received:  
‘We need to talk  
Come find me, day care around A.M.  
Don’t let Tommy find you 1st  
x x x Dina’  
Ellie wasn’t so sure she wanted to see Dina, that they **needed** to talk. Why they had to talk in front of kids, no less. She _was_ sure that she’d be avoiding Tommy – she wanted to avoid _everyone_ , out of fear they’d march her towards Dina or Tommy themselves. Not that either option was bad, but Ellie didn’t know if her and Dina were still ‘a thing’, and she didn’t want Tommy to yell at her again.  
Groaning and pushing herself off the mattress, Ellie ripped warm socks out of her drawer, grabbed her jeans off the ground and the hoodie off the end of the bed. She pottered around slowly while she got dressed, getting her spare cigarettes out of her desk drawer, fastening her boots at the door. She pulled up her hood, lit her cigarette, and stepped outside.

Jackson’s air had a bite, she wasn’t sure of the exact season, yet it was both cold and warm, much like a sunny Winter day without the snow. Her yard gave her time to adjust to the air before stepping out into the town proper, but when she did something about being out there but her at ease. Jackson was full of that sleepy brand of life that one would expect at this time – which Ellie pegged as seven in the morning.  
Her walk to the day care was full of inconveniences which made her more irritable the more people approached her. When she was done saying hello and waving to one person, two more wanted to say hello too. Then there were the people who wanted to have a longer chat she needed to dismiss, and worse still – those who were trying to rope her in to doing work for them already. What could be a five-minute jog became a half-hour walk.

As she reached the day care, she pulled her hood down and tried to catch a glimpse of Dina inside. With no luck, she cupped her hands to the chilled glass and tried to spot her. Ellie hoped she could catch Dina’s eye and politely pull her aside but, just her luck, she still couldn’t spot Dina.  
Ellie felt her bones twitch, her stomach churning. All the adults _without_ kids had made a fuss of her thus far, what were all the new moms and dads going to do with her? Man, she _prayed_ that none of her old friends had kids recently. That could be a nightmare.  
She reached for the door handle and, as she stepped through, immediately knocked over a small child. “Oh, shit- no, fuck, I’m sorry- shit,” she reached for the kid and pulled him back up onto his feet, gently turning him to nudge him back towards his mother, who smiled at them both and held her arms out to him. Ellie blushed and shrugged, to be met with a dismissive hand to signal ‘no harm done’.  
Ellie could _now_ set about finding Dina, navigating scattered toys, seating areas, nap areas, parents, and children- which was easier said than done. She couldn’t find Dina _anywhere_. Okay but, surely everyone she passed in the town hadn’t held her up so long that it wasn’t morning anymore? Panic rose in her stomach and she felt herself becoming flighty. Her palms itched and her vision blurred. Despite the cold, she began to sweat, and her thoughts clouded. She stood on the spot, looking awkward and uncomfortable, and tried to keep her breaths steady; looking around for any adult that seemed to be the childminder for any kids whose parents worked. No such luck in that department, either.  
Something hit her leg, hard. Already irritable, her anger peaked, and she swivelled on the spot- looking for whatever little shit had decided to throw something at her. It was then she saw Dina’s face beaming at her a few feet away, with J.J. sat in her lap. Ellie froze. Her chest felt like a rock and tears welled in her eyes.

**_If you go it alone, you forgot all chance of rescue.  
_ ** **_I know you feel lost, but I’m here to wander with you._ **

Dina held onto her hand all the way back home with JJ in Ellie’s spare arm, snuggled into her chest. The walk back was much quicker than Ellie’s walk in, with Dina seeming like she’d break into a sprint any second. Ellie didn’t have time to respond in between the copious amounts of ‘it’s so good to have you back,’ ‘I didn’t think you’d come home,’ ‘I thought you’d died,’ and similar sentiments. Dina all-but _shoved_ Ellie through her front door and slammed and locked it behind both of them.  
“Okay, okay, give me JJ,”  
Ellie passed him over, “you got him?”  
“I got him,” Dina bounced him in her arms and moved to Ellie’s bed, placing him softly down onto the sheets. She pulled the blankets up and over him, pulling the pillows down to cushion him on either side. She planted a kiss on his cheek, made sure he was tucked in, and left to re-join Ellie. “So- you’re actually back. In front of me. Here.”  
Ellie shrugged and nodded, itching at her arm from nerves. “Yeah, guess so.” An awkward silence hung over the two, before Dina moved to wrap her arms around Ellie’s neck.  
“We missed you so much,”  
Ellie raised her arms to hold Dina around her waist, feeling more at ease with her familiar warmth held against her. With hesitance, Ellie pulled back to look at Dina in the eye, her throat becoming scratchy. “Why’d you leave?” Dina grimaced at the question.  
“I didn’t know if you’d be back. I thought- I thought you’d die, I thought you’d go forever.” Ellie continued to stare at Dina, a mix of anger and grief overtaking her. “And – still, a whole year, and you only came back now.”  
Ellie pulled back from Dina completely, resuming scratching at her arm. She thought being told off by Maria and Tommy was bad; with Dina it felt worse. “I didn’t- I thought- I thought you left because you… were mad at me,” she looked down at her feet and began rubbing the finger stubs on her left hand. She felt like a child caught out doing something she shouldn’t be.  
Dina folded her arms across her chest and looked down at Ellie’s hands. A pang of guilt hit her stomach, and she chewed her lip. “I didn’t want to be alone,” she said slowly, watching her tone for Ellie’s sake. “Jesse’s parents came by, when I told them where you’d gone, they… they just suggested I come back, so I wasn’t out there alone.”  
“You left my things.”  
“I did.”  
“You could’ve brought them back with you, left them here.”  
“I could have.”  
“And you didn’t.”  
Dina didn’t have an answer for her and dropped her arms in exasperation. “I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t, but I didn’t. I’m sorry, Ellie.” She moved to hug her again and Ellie took it, trying to fight back tears. “I don’t know why I didn’t.”  
Ellie watched JJ on the bed, which didn’t help her suppression of tears. Raising her arms to Dina’s waist, she squeezed firmly, burying her face in Dina’s neck. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal, I’m sorry,” she wasn’t even sure what _she_ was sorry for, but it felt like the right thing to say among the chaos of words that wanted to come out. “I didn’t come back… I thought you left because you were mad at me, you left no note or no indication otherwise… I tried finding somewhere else- like Jackson, but not… here. I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Or anyone here, I guess. Felt like coming back was the wrong thing to do.”  
Dina finally pulled back and held Ellie at arms’ length, admiring her face. “I should’ve waited. Or left a note, you’re right. I’m so, so sorry, Ellie.” Before now, she hadn’t considered the ramifications of her actions last year – of leaving Ellie with nothing back at the farm. She certainly couldn’t predict Ellie’s trip through the states rather than heading straight to Jackson. “Look…”  
“Dina-”  
“No. Look- we can try again. I want to try again. I didn’t mean to _leave_ you, I was angry, scared, and frustrated. Jesse’s parents gave me a way out. You get that, right? That’s why you’re here? The community and security.”  
Ellie only managed a nod in response.  
“We’ll try again. We'll talk tomorrow about after you left. I want what happened, as much as you want to give. I don’t know what it’s going to take to go back to normal, but we’ll do it, alright? Where you go, I go, remember?”

**_And you feel the wave, it comes so fast_ ** **_And if you're patient, know that it won't last_**  
 ** _Are you ready to come back now?_**


End file.
